Dwindling circle of friends

Friends

It shocked me to find out that, according to studies, the friend pool of most people decreases around the age of 25.

Oops!

This wasn’t the case with me. Either I didn’t have a lot of friends to begin with, had kept the circle small to monitor those close to me, or I was too picky from the word go.

Now that I think about it, the first is the real reason. I never had a huge circle of friends. First off, I was gay. Although the word ‘gay’ denotes happiness, this wasn’t the case with me. At school, I was a loner because I was light on my toes, spoke like a poet, loved art and drama classes, and was in constant fear of getting beat up. Not the best mix in a one-horse town.

Later in life, I never lived in one spot for more than a year. How many friends can you make in a year? In Teheran, Nairobi, or Udine?

By the time I reached 50, I realized I didn’t really want any. Friends. First off, I was too lazy. Cultivating a worthwhile relationship takes time and trouble. Second, no one met my standards… which I admit were/are high. How was I to know people like Jesus, Buddha, and Ramana Maharshi weren’t a dime a dozen, just waiting to cross my path?

As I became more mature, my friend zone began to dwindle big time. At first, I thought this was because I was an asshole. Then, I thought: who cares? Some people like assholes. Especially in the gay community.

The people I did take the time and effort to befriend, I found out later didn’t like me as much as I like them. But they were such good actors, it didn’t bother me until it was too late.

It was a hard fall.

Nowadays, I go for months without ever having to rewind the answering machine. Which suits me fine as I hate to talk on the telephone.

I’ve isolated myself even more as my interests changed. In a world going mad with Instagram, Grinder, and YouPorn, I realized being alone wasn’t such a bad thing. Outside of that, in the shadow of social media, who wants to talk to someone about God and the meaning of life, the only things that really interest me. 

Unless I’m horny.

So, I’m down to a very limited number of friends. Actually three: my husband and my two birds.

I thought about cultivating a younger group of friends if, for nothing else, to keep me young. A habit the emperors of ancient Rome cultivated, as I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. Not children though. I’d prefer to have them a bit older. People who are too young tend to tire me out. I’m aiming at a crowd of men 21, or so. Young athletic guys, high on hormones, boys who run around half-naked with sexy smiles and deep dark mysterious eyes. Unfortunately, young men who fall into this category aren’t searching for elderly yoga teachers, so I’ve been forced back to square one.

I’m wondering what the next step is. I mean, if my circle dwindles any further, I might disappear. And, who would know it if I did??