Enlightenment

Enlightenment

The last unreasonable goal I laid aside, and with it more stress than I ever thought imaginable, was the goal of attaining enlightenment.

Enlightenment was high on my list of priorities even before I was born. Hanging out in ‘my life between lives,’ I pieced together the perfect environment for my upcoming life. I wanted an incarnation full of sunshine, health, adequate education, white skin; and of course, a penis. Impossible to even think about enlightenment in the body of a woman. (😊)

As the crowning touch, I also decided to be born in a country where I would never have to experience the horrors of an invading army. (I’d had enough of rape and wanton pillaging in my other lifetimes.) Unfortunately, Canada was all booked out, so I chose America; my only stipulation was: the city had to be close enough to Disneyland for an occasional visit.

Satisfied I’d arranged the circumstances well enough to achieve enlightenment before I grew out of puberty, I took a deep breath and jumped into my next incarnation

But the universe had other plans.

I’ve been down every yellow-brick-road, kissed an unfathomable amount of lotus toes, built altars to an unending number of gods; mantra-ed, yoga-ed, meditated myself into unfathomable states of consciousness, (none anywhere near the Kingdom of Heaven); fasted, irrigated my bowels, done green smoothies; an all this with the purpose of reaching God’s consciousness.

Here I am now, old enough to be considering my next incarnation, and I’m still feeling very far away from the shores of enlightenment.

Actually, I’m not really sure if enlightenment really exists. Could the search for God be just another ploy of the ego to keep us frustrated, humbled, and preoccupied with something that seems of utmost importance? I’m beginning to think, trying to gain God-consciousness is just another way of keeping me from looking at the real problem, namely seeing the ego for what it is and withdrawing my investment from it.

Now, on the other side of 50, seeing God will probably happen in Heaven sooner than here on earth, so why continue the effort?

What went wrong?

Who knows? But maybe something went right. Maybe I’m here on earth to find something else, and not God. Something like: myself. My True Self.

And, on the way, maybe finding out what makes me really happy so that I might arrive at the Pearly Gates with a huge smile on my face!