Hoorah! The decision has been made. Henceforth, I shall be referring to the Big Guy in the Sky as Sam, (pronounced: sahm), a simple joining of the Sanskrit words So Ham: which means I AM, but doesn't sound nearly so stalwart. (The alternative was Al, short for Almighty, All-encompassing, Almen, or Al Mundy, but the name Al conjures up too many pictures of a used car salesman.) (In my opinion, anyway).
And, just why is this ‘new name’ stuff so important to me?
First off, so I could get rid of all the clutter and shudder the old names have gathered over the years.
Another reason, (and a very important one), is because I need to remember I did not create my Self; my small self, yes, but not my big Self. Sam did; that Power which is over me and in me, but not of me.
Ever since the New Age mongers told me I created my own self, I’ve felt more than anxious. If I could create me, I asked myself, it followed that I could also destroy me. Not a nice thought for someone who has fucked up so many thing since the time he was born. Thus, the idea my eternal existence was in my own hands had me screaming and cursing at my friends and acquaintances every chance I got. Either that or caused me to revert to socially approved drugs. Both, not a good idea.
Sam’s Son cleared this up for me, telling me it was only my small, ego-self I could create, not my eternal, indestructible Self.
Another thing. Before the advent of Sam and Yeshua, I felt Jesus and God were always looking over my shoulder when I was engaged in some nasty activity, i.e., fantasizing about sex or surfing the porn channels on the internet. This is no longer the case. Au contraire. Sometimes I even feel Sam and Son are encouraging this shady behavior because They know: naughtiness is a byproduct of guilt and, as we all know, sex without guilt is boring. And boring doesn’t make happy. Sam and Sam’s Son know: the fastest way to break a bad habit is not by abstaining but by doing it until you O.D.; i.e. until it doesn’t bring you happiness anymore. Granted, with this line of reasoning it might take lifetimes to clean up your act, but that’s where reincarnation comes in handy. We’ve now have all the time in the world!
Another thing I have to remind myself about is, I don't have to find my way Home by myself. Sam knows, I’ve tried and failed miserably. I no know I am in the company of One who has already made the journey and knows the road better than I do and is all too willing to guide me. And, Yeshua is more up to date about my needs and purposes than JC of old who hung out with fishermen and tax collectors. With Yeshua, I feel like I have acquired a straight boyfriend, someone I can rely on when the going gets rough, someone who really loves me, who doesn't judge me, who would never think about sleeping with me.
Last but not least: Have you ever notices the older you get the lonelier you tend to feel? It makes sense. You spend your entire life honing your circle of friends down to the point where only two remain: you and your mother, who, incidentally, isn’t alive anymore. The circle has morphed into a dot... a very small dot... way outside of the circle. Not that we no longer feel ti be a part of the whole, we wither away with anxiety.
Being a pariah from birth, this realization came a bit earlier to me than to most. I learned at a very early age that isolation, the feeling that feeling of being separated from the tribe, is the base of almost every anxiety that goes boom in the night. Coming up now up against the last few laps of the Marathon of life, you realize: I'm born alone and Idie alone. How anxiety-ridden is that for a thought?
So, if for no other reason than one's own sanity, the idea there is a Higher Self is essential in this journey from womb to tomb.
At first, this name changing stuff felt a bit sacrilegious to me until I asked myself, ‘Is it the name that is holy of the thing it represents?” After all, a rose by any other name still smells as sweet. (Unless it’s one of those new hybrids that don’t have any smell at all.)